Know Your Fish: A Guide to the Creatures of the Digital Dating Sea

Let's talk about fish.
Not the ones holding a trout like it's their entire personality. We mean the other kind — the ones baiting the hook just a little too hard.

Catfish.

The OG scammer of the sea.
This one's using someone else's face entirely. Could be a random model. Could be a hot cousin from 2016. Always giving "this isn't me but if you squint hard and believe in delusion, it might be" energy.
We see you. This isn't the Met Gala. It's an app. Chill.

Dogfish.

Not fake. Just expired.
This one's serving ancient history in HD. Pics from three apartments ago, two breakups ago, and before the metabolism said "I'm out."
Festival body. Soft, glowing lighting from the Before Times. A vibe that screams, "I still believed in dreams and cardio."
We're not judging. Life happens. But don't be surprised if someone picks up on the 2012 energy in your 2025 profile.

Cuttlefish.

This one's next-level.
In nature, cuttlefish hypnotize their prey with dazzling color shows. On dating apps? It's that AI-polished glam shot that looks like it came out of a Final Fantasy cutscene.
No pores. No shadows. Just vibes.
You're not catfishing. You're cuttlefishing — seducing the scroll with digital wizardry so intense it belongs in a Marvel origin story.
It's like your camera roll got sponsored by Photoshop, Botox, and a soft-focus dream filter.

A little touch-up is fine. Remove a blemish. Brighten a smile. That's the digital version of washing your face.
But if your pics look like a fantasy novel cover or an AI art project, throw in one where you're eating noodles in bad lighting or laying in bed with one eye open.
Show us the human. We'll probably like that one even more.